We are part of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association and this month the shared topic of blogging is “words of wisdom”, this week the topic is words of wisdom from friends. I am going to hit this one from a little different angle and share a friend story from this month that has brought some things to my attention in my marriage.
Recently some conversations have occurred with a friend that have led me to believe that my opinion on some subjects doesn’t matter. I was addressed in a somewhat condescending manner and some of the other negative comments about how some people think fit me to a “T” and I found myself offended and frustrated.
I found myself critical about the validity of the friendship and wondering what the value of that relationship really is.
After a week of meditation I decided that this was a communication area in marriage to be looked at. I got to thinking about some topics that my husband wants to discuss that I am not interested in and am not that enthusiastic about when he wants to talk about them. I will usually listen (not fully because I don’t find the topics interesting) to make him feel better, but I am not fully engaged during these times.
I discovered that I do this very same thing to my husband, I may not say correcting, condescending things to him, but I fail to put value on his opinion of a topic.
My husband is the talker in our relationship and I am usually a very good listener, but through this thought process I realized there are some areas that I fall very short in when it comes to listening and valuing what is being said when I don’t care for what is being said.
I realized that even though I may not be acting combative or corrective, I can make my husband feel devalued by not giving the respect to listen to him.
I think that listening to topics people want to talk about is important, but I think it even more important to give the respect of listening and giving value to something when you don’t agree with it. There are many times in life when people disagree on a topic, but there can be respect given in the disagreement of perspectives. I love my husband and I am going to try to change how I listen.
Answering before listening is both stupid and rude. Proverbs 18:13 The Message
Read other posts from our Christian marriage Bloggers Association partners on “Words of Wisdom From Friends”
The Romantic Vineyard: Words From Friends Part One – Some Not So Wise
Directed Path: Keeping Score in Marriage