Greg and I have had the honor of meeting some fantastic couples through doing marriage enrichment, one particular couple has led us into prayer with them Praying Handsevery Monday morning, and it has changed our lives.

I know prayer is vitally important, but I had never given as much thought to having a prayer covering as I should have.

This couple has shared their story with us and we have shared ours, forming a bond of friendship and encouragement.  I look forward to praying together every Monday morning, it has become a way to start my week that I look forward to and would miss if we couldn’t get together.

Getting to experience this is encouraging me to pray more frequently with friends when we get together and to pray more openly when we have group meetings.

We pray for our couples throughout the week and we know this is important, but I am finding that group prayer seems to be calling me more and more as the weeks go on.  Having other couples invested in the success of your marriage and having them pray for and over you consistently enriches a marriage relationship in ways we can’t possibly know or understand.

I saw this video last week and a young man talked about how it takes a village to raise a child and a community to make a marriage.

We recently experienced a couple we know going through a hardship in their lives.  My heart broke for them at their loss and I started to wonder what I would do if faced with the same situation.

I realized that I lean heavily on Greg during times of hardship and I am so grateful that we are in a relational place where I can lean into him when I need to.

beach girl

Throughout this thought process I began to think of another couple we know also going through a hard time, they don’t seem like they are in a place to lean into each other.  I have witnessed the distance brought on by not being able to lean into each other in a time of need.

Through my thought process, I am realizing the importance of keeping my relationship healthy and in spending the time to feed into our marriage.

Greg and I went through a 6 month period three years ago where we had one blow after another.  Our basement flooded, we had a house fire and our car was stolen and totaled.  During this time I leaned so heavily into my husband for comfort and support that I wouldn’t have been able to make it without him.

holding hands

Keeping your marriage healthy is important, being relationally close and emotionally intimate is key to getting through the day, let alone getting through a crisis.

We are part of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association and this month the shared topic of blogging is “words of wisdom”, this week the topic is words of wisdom from friends.  I am going to hit this one from a little different angle and share a friend story from this month that has brought some things to my attention in my marriage. opinions matter

Recently some conversations have occurred with a friend that have led me to believe that my opinion on some subjects doesn’t matter.  I was addressed in a somewhat condescending manner and some of the other negative comments about how some people think fit me to a “T” and I found myself offended and frustrated.

I found myself critical about the validity of the friendship and wondering what the value of that relationship really is.

After a week of meditation I decided that this was a communication area in marriage to be looked at.  I got to thinking about some topics that my husband wants to discuss that I am not interested in and am not that enthusiastic about when he wants to talk about them.  I will usually listen (not fully because I don’t find the topics interesting) to make him feel better, but I am not fully engaged during these times.

I discovered that I do this very same thing to my husband, I may not say correcting, condescending things to him, but I fail to put value on his opinion of a topic.

My husband is the talker in our relationship and I am usually a very good listener, but through this thought process I realized there are some areas that I fall very short in when it comes to listening and valuing what is being said when I don’t care for what is being said.

I realized that even though I may not be acting combative or corrective, I can make my husband feel devalued by not giving the respect to listen to him.

I think that listening to topics people want to talk about is important, but I think it even more important to give the respect of listening and giving value to something when you don’t agree with it.  There are many times in life when people disagree on a topic, but there can be respect given in the disagreement of perspectives.  I love my husband and I am going to try to change how I listen.

Answering before listening is both stupid and rude. Proverbs 18:13 The Message

 

Read other posts from our Christian marriage Bloggers Association partners on “Words of Wisdom From Friends”

The Romantic Vineyard: Words From Friends Part One – Some Not So Wise

Directed Path: Keeping Score in Marriage

The Generous Wife: CMBA Challenge – Wisdom From Friends

 

A couple of months ago a friend of mine talked about the concept of a sweetness missing that was once present in her marriage and how she went about trying to find it again, I have been meditating on it ever since.  After a couple months of meditation, I have come to the conclusion that there is not the same level of sweetness in my marriage that their once was, this revelation has me looking at our marriage to figure out where it has gone.

I discovered that I may have been waiting for my husband to be sweet for me to be sweet back.

I know that a problem I have is mouth control, it is not excessive talking as my husband is the talker in our relationship, but it is generally the tone and demeanor I sometimes bring to the table.  I feel as though I may have become insensitive to my husband in the way that I interact with him.

This made the lack of sweetness even more evident to me, why would he bring sweetness if I wasn’t? 

heart cookies

I am not saying that my husband should not be responsible for his behavior or that I am responsible if he isn’t sweet, I am only noting that in relationship we frequently wait for our spouse to bring something to the table before we reciprocate instead of just bringing it to the table ourselves.

I am aware that we teach others how to treat us and that when we bring what we want, people usually follow up by returning what we bring.

I have spent sometime in prayer about this and I have decided to increase the sweet in my marriage.  I didn’t know we were lacking it until it was brought to my attention through a conversation, and now that I know I am going to purposefully find ways to increase this ingredient in my relationship.

I feel that it is my responsibility to build my house and shape it in ways that I want, Proverbs 14:1 says the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down.

Please share examples of how you have found ways to add sweetness in your relationship…

When we get married and say “I do” we are taking on a multitude of responsibilities, including agreeing to meet our spouse’s needs.  “Failing” to meet our spouses needs is something we will be held accountable for, God wants his children taken care of and will question how our spouse was cared for and if they were cherished and blossomed in our care or if they struggled and went without their needs met in our care.

“Refusing” to meet the needs of your spouse is a whole different ball game, and one I never want to answer for playing in.

Today I read something that really got me thinking about this topic: CLICK HERE TO READ THE BLOG POST

WALL COUPLE

Some questions it brought to mind for me were:

-Do I feel like sometimes I end up having to give 150% to my marriage?

-Do I ever feel like I have to work exceptionally hard to meet my spouse’s needs to in turn get my needs met based on my good behavior?

-Do I end up with a bad attitude as I correlate what the bible says about those needs and her turning me down or rejecting me and then in turn abuse my biblical knowledge to let her know where I think she is wronging me?

-If the answer to any of these is yes, is there anything wrong with that?

For me, all of those questions get an answer of yes from time to time, so I can only assume my wife feels the same way.

I often “feel” like I never refuse my wife, however in having her proof my blog the Holy Spirit prompted her to ask if ever drink Mountain Dew even though she has asked me to not just drink soda all the time. OUCH!!! I guess that really is refusal.

I also feel like I am quick to serve but after that gut check I question how “great” I really am compared to what I thought 10 minutes ago.

Well, at any rate, even when my ego can’t fit through the door, I hope God is as pleased about my perceived heart and attitudes as I am. Of course He isn’t. So, I pray he would make the reality of me match the perception I have of myself.

I know I fail my wife, but I never want to refuse her needs.

I will ask God to change my perspective of where my wife is going right or going wrong, because I know I am no better.  I want to view life like Jesus would, to love my wife like Christ loves the church.  I know we are all works in progress, and this is an area I want to make progress!

Recently, Greg and I started working with the youth group kids at our church again and I realized something that had been missing in our marriage.

The joy and connection of serving together as a married couple cannot be duplicated.

We had taken a year off from helping with youth group to focus on getting our marriage coaching off to a great start as it was necessary to give that our full attention.  During that year we were quite busy, I missed the youth group kids, but in the busyness I did not recognize something was missing.

Serving together and seeing the difference God can make through you as a team creates a connection between husband and wife that cannot be re-created through any other activity.

There is something joyous about touching people’s lives and them touching yours.  God’s intention was for us to serve each other and I feel that serving in some manner should be a part of all marriages and families.

Serving comes in all forms, we are not all cut out for a missions trip, little things mean a lot to people.

I am so happy we were able to return to the youth program at our church, it fulfills something in our marriage and it gives us the opportunity to build the youth and prepare them for their futures.

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. ~ Ephesians 2:10

Share with us how you serve in your marriage and families!

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Greg and I frequently use the analogy of a garden when talking about a marriage relationship.  I feel like this analogy extends into the different areas within a marriage.  Marriages are full of different types of relationships, like your sexual relationship, your parenting relationship, or your recreational relationship, etc.

I feel each of these areas can be viewed as a crop within your garden.

We have recently been experiencing a difference of opinion within the sexual relationship of our marriage and it has brought me back to the gardening analogy and the ultimate question of how does your garden grow?

I feel that no matter what crop you are talking about, the answer is the same. 

A garden needs to be tended, weeded, watered, fertilized, etc.  Time has to be spent tending and caring for the thing we are wanting to be healthy.  Weeds will sprout up from time to time and they need to be picked out and taken care of before they spread.  Watering these areas with the Word of God is vitally important, prayer and reading scripture help to keep God in place in these areas.

So you can see that marriage takes a lot of work.  Time and energy must be put into the things we cherish most.

It isn’t always a matter of growing something, it needs to be maintained as well.  Regular maintenance gets easier than trying to bring something back from the dead where it may have grown thistles.

I usually have a very black thumb when it comes to my houseplants, and I know I have to work ten times as hard to keep my marriage garden healthy.

Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. ~ Jeremiah 29:5

 

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