Do We Make Love To Our Husbands On Purpose?

Do We Make Love To Our Husbands On Purpose?

It seems as though I am bombarded these days with articles about better sex, the 5 keys to perfect sex, the 7 tricks to make him yours, etc.  These titles have got me posing the question: Do we make love to our husbands on purpose?

The first part of this question that hit me was the “make love” part.

As a busy business woman with four children, I don’t always feel I have the time to “make love” to my husband as much as he would like me to.  Sexual fulfillment is my husbands #1 emotional need when he takes the Emotional Needs Questionnaire from the book His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley and physical touch is his #1 love language when he takes the 5 Love Languages Quiz at

 There is no doubt in my mind that the need for intimacy through love making and touch is how to convey love to my husband, but why is it so hard sometimes to meet this need for him?

I want my husband to put my needs first, and to meet them joyfully, in fact, I even expect it.  Doesn’t the bible say he is suppose to love me like Christ loved the church?  I want my husband to love me the way I need to be loved, which for me is through words of affirmation, admiration and intimate conversation.  He is suppose to dote on me, tell me how wonderful I am and spend lots of time listening to me talk and I want him to do it even if his needs aren’t being met.

I will find myself stuck in the attitude of – someone has to go first and it isn’t always going to be me!  Here comes the “on purpose” part of my question.

I don’t want to be this person, and I do put a lot of effort into meeting my husbands physical needs, but I try to meet them my way, not his.  I put the effort into having sex most days, but if I am honest with myself I mostly meet his need on my terms and on my clock, it can become a check mark on my list.  Would I want to just be a check mark on my husband’s list?  Absolutely not!  I also know that if I was truly making love to my husband he would be more likely to meet my needs the way I want him to.

Someone has to go first and I have found that my husband is far more immediately adjusted towards oneness and intimacy in our relationship through lovemaking than I am through words.

I am not sure how to accomplish meeting his needs successfully every time, but I know there are steps I can take to prepare and encourage myself to love him the best that I can.  In looking into this topic, here are some suggestions I have found:

1. Plenty of rest, exercise and eating right so I feel good

2. Taking care of personal hygiene and weight (because it contributes to self esteem)

3. Mentally preparing by thinking about making love to him throughout the day

4. Listening to him when he tells you the things he likes during physical intimacy

5. Letting him know the things you like during physical intimacy so he can make it a great experience for you.

I know there are many other great ideas out there for learning how to love our spouses the best we can, please comment share your suggestions!

Is God on Your Playlist?

Is God on Your Playlist?

I was driving home yesterday and I saw a man walking down the street with headphones on and it got me to thinking about how I see a lot of people going through life with headphones on and I wondered how this affects their relationships, including their relationship with God.

I usually hear from God during the quiet spaces in my day and I wondered if I would have the same relationship with Him if I spent my day with headphones on.

I asked my daughter about this concept and she let me know that it is during times of listening to Christian music that she hears from God the best, so within that conversation I realized that music doesn’t always keep people from relationship with God.  I do however wonder if as a society we have become excessive in how much were are “plugged in” to our music as we walk through our lives.

It also has me wondering if the playlists of our lives hinder us in our relationships with people?

I have noticed through watching my children and their friends that a large number of young people today move through life listening to their playlist to avoid contact and relationship with family and their peers.  My own children have shared that sometimes it is easier than dealing with some of the kids at school, if they think you can’t hear them they are more likely to not approach you.  It is as if earphones have become a way to protect ourselves from the parts of the world around us that we don’t want to deal with.

It seems as though devices have gotten in the way of real relationship.

Greg and I have been out numerous times where we have seen couples on a date but they are both on their phones instead of engaging with each other.  I know I have personally made my husband upset by being on my phone while he wanted my attention.  I spend time on my phone that I could be relating to my husband and God, and relationship with God is what keeps my relationship with my husband healthy.  I am going to think twice about the time I spend on playlists and screens in the future, no amount of technology is a fair exchange for relationship with my husband and God.

What do you think about devices and how they mold how we relate to God and those around us?