Firm Foundation – Revisited

Firm Foundation – Revisited


I’ll be turning 40 this month so I’m currently reading “the bead method” by Carolyn Evans and Mark Gungor. This book was a gift from my wife that comes with a fancy set of beads and a bowl that I will receive as a gift on my actual birthday… She thought it might be wise for me to attempt reading the book before my actual birthday so we don’t get a late start on the game nor have any confusion on how to play…

God is always drawing attention to subjects that I am certain that he is training us to be influential on at possibly a later date…

God has definitely called myself and Lisa to eventually be quite instrumental as a couple for other couples concerning their sexual tug of wars… so he of course lets us train via experiences both good and bad… good thing we both have the theme song from “the facts of life” crammed in our heads from growing up 80s LOL

I want to share a bit out of Mark Gungor’s introduction that he wrote in this wonderful book.

Marriage, at its most basic foundation, is a sexual contract. Think about it. When a couple stands at the altar and says, “I do,” what they are essentially saying is “I’LL DO you, you’ll DO me, and we won’t DO anybody else!” While marriage has many other wonderful, challenging and fascinating aspects, it is first and foremost a sexual agreement.

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” – Genesis 2:24

Oh I know, I know, there is more to marriage than just sex… just as a house is much more than its concrete foundation. Indeed, the house may have many beautiful rooms that contain countless valuable treasures of far more interest and allure than the foundation. But remove the foundation and that house will come crashing down – no matter how beautiful the rooms or valuable the contents inside.

Yes there is more to marriage than sex. There is love: but you don’t need a marriage license to love someone. There is commitment; but you don’t need a marriage license to be committed to someone. There are financial considerations; but you can totally support someone financially for the rest of their life without the need of a marriage license. There is also friendship: but you can be the best friend in the world to someone without marrying him or her. There are even spiritual considerations and perspectives like serving God together; but you don’t need a marriage license to do that either. Only when it comes to sex does God require the covenant of marriage.

Of course Mark continues but I don’t want to spoil it! You are going to really want this product:

My point and reason for quoting the portion I did was to get you to contemplate what I have been contemplating for days…

And that is that from God’s point of view… sex is pretty darn important. It’s crucial. No matter your limitations it’s imperative to strive to find a way to fulfill your spouse sexually. You may have debilitating circumstances, or circumstances that limit your participation… regardless it’s still biblical to seek to satisfy your spouse sexually. So don’t be a great Christian and fall short of something God is so clear about. Like it or not, your marriage is your first ministry. Discord in your marriage renders you severely diminished for God’s use. My wife and I have quite a variety of types of sex. I want very badly to satisfy my wife in all ways, especially sexually. God gives each and every spouse in the world a set of circumstances in this aspect of our marriages to overcome. When you accomplish that, there will be a new set… My wife is so worth overcoming that circumstance. And I know that I mean that much to her as well. As I read Marks words I ask myself what does this have to do with our marriage. Well, Lisa and I are quite committed to working towards a great mutually successful satisfying sex life. So I am mentally turning over stones and reverse engineering what Mark had to say… since Lisa and agree to an amazing foundation… you can’t live on a foundation alone… (There is no shelter) Now don’t get me wrong “I” am all about what Mark was saying… if I had my druthers we’d just build a house out of foundations… but then my wife would not be able to enjoy me as a spiritual covering which is a necessity for her to be lead to sexual satisfaction whether I like it or not.

I need to be certain to also focus on “beautiful rooms that contain countless valuable treasures” so that what can enjoy the wonderful home that is our marriage as suggested by Mark’s metaphor.

Remember this bible verse as read from the message bible and study its context and how it applies in our current Christian lives:

1 Corinthians 7:3-6

3 The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. 4 Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 5 Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting – but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. 6 I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence – only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.

Can You Hear Me Knocking?

Can You Hear Me Knocking?

We all have areas in our life where God has purposed us with an appetite and He also has given each of us knowledge to suppress such an appetite for the good of another. I am not talking about food, or at least not only food.  In my case, I know that God has blessed me with what seems to be an insatiable appetite for sexual intimacy with my wife.  I am so grateful to God that I am not experiencing struggles with sexual sin as I have in the past.   I am not making light of this for anyone, as I have definitely had my own struggles with things that might lead one down that road.

I simply have a thirst for connecting with my wife emotionally and spiritually (and of course physically) that presents itself for me realistically on average of three to six times per day.

Now Lisa is the “governor” (mechanically speaking) and one thing we as a couple have found is that we can’t even figure out her appetite because we engage more often than what it would take for her to build up an urgency over a need for sexual intimacy.  (I would LOVE to know what that feels like!)

Recently during one of our marriage small group sessions I had an analogy that went something like this:

check oilGod is the designer / mfg of a vehicle, we’ll say for the example, the husband is the vehicle and the wife is the owner/operator/curator of the vehicle.  Your sexual relationship and frequency of sex in your marriage will be represented by the oil we use to maintain this vehicle properly.  Some vehicles require more oil than others; some vehicles take 4 quarts, some vehicles take 5.

Is your husband a formula one race car? A Super cross bike? A monster truck? A Belaz 75710? Or even a jet fighter?

Some vehicles need to be “topped off” often with oil as they burn it quicker than others, some vehicles actually exist that burn so little oil that the oil can go bad and need replaced before it gets burned up by the vehicle, and there are vehicles that need oil put right into the fuel to function properly.  I know there must be something that this same analogy can be applied for an area where God equipped and built my wife that once discovered I will need to apply.

Do you want to get the best over all performance out of your husband?

Don’t neglect your husband’s oil usage, know what he requires to function and know what YOU require to function.  Don’t let the gears in your marriage grind to a screeching halt all dried up due to negligence.  God designed you both and he does NOT make mistakes.

I personally have blown 3 real vehicle engines due to poor oil maintenance, so this analogy hits home for me.

So ladies, do yourself and your husband a BIG favor; ask each other about how frequently you “want” sex and ask about how frequently you “need” sex.  Once you know who has a more frequent “need”, figure out together if that need will ruin the vehicle if the oil gets below a certain level or if that particular vehicle runs just fine on fumes (yeah right!)

Don’t wait until you hear a knocking, check the oil as soon as possible and have some FUN!!!

What are your thoughts?