Date Night, Not What It USe To Be

Date Night, Not What It USe To Be

National Marriage Week is next week and the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association is blogging on dating to encourage couples and to lead into celebrating Valentine’s Day. Greg and I love to plan special things for Valentine’s Day because we enjoy celebrating our marriage and the blessing we are to each other.

In contemplating dating for this blog, my mind took a different turn, so here it is.

Remember when date night didn’t take so much thought? When we were first dating, we just wanted to spend time together and it didn’t matter doing what as long as we were in the same space and able to have conversation, it was perfect. Now it seems like so much more thought goes into a date, there are fewer occasions available, so the date is less spontaneous and more planned out for a perfect evening that includes all of the things we want to do with each other. And yes, this usually includes expectations about the end of the evening as well.

Marriage can take you way beyond the days of “Hey, do you want to go have lunch?”.

What happens that shifts us from the anytime spontaneous date to the planned out, hope this goes perfect date? You know what I am talking about, the kind of dates that now make or break sex at the end of them because we decided to bring our suitcase full of all our baggage on the date with us. I have heard the stories from friends as well, there is the obligatory anniversary date or the birthday date gone wrong, I know we each have our own story.

So what makes the perfect date? Is it the place, what you got to wear, was there flowers, valet, wine, or just the expense that made it special?

I feel like at different time I could say yes to all of the above questions, at some point in my life all of those extravagances have created an environment where I felt treasured and special. There is nothing wrong with that, it is great to feel treasured by our spouses and to celebrate each other in all kinds of ways, but in asking myself the question of what makes a perfect date, I only had one real answer.

Where I am at spiritually, emotionally, relationally and physically with my husband dictates how our special moments are shared.

The date may be grabbing dollar ice cream cones and eating them in the car together and if all of those things are in line, it is the best ice cream cone I have ever eaten with my honey. But in turn, if he took me to On Broadway(a really nice restaurant where we live) and all of those things were out of order, it could be money wasted and unpacking emotional suitcases for us. We have been at On Broadway and seen couples come in all dressed up and spend their evening with each other on their phones with other people, it makes us sad when we see this.

52 dates book picI don’t have all the answers, but I have the answer for me. The best times spent with my husband are when every part of our relationship is in order and we can truly spend that time cherishing each other.

For some fantastic date night ideas, check out Randy Southern’s book 52 Uncommon Dates: A Couples Adventure Guide for Praying, Playing, and Staying Together.

Firm Foundation – Revisited

Firm Foundation – Revisited


I’ll be turning 40 this month so I’m currently reading “the bead method” by Carolyn Evans and Mark Gungor. This book was a gift from my wife that comes with a fancy set of beads and a bowl that I will receive as a gift on my actual birthday… She thought it might be wise for me to attempt reading the book before my actual birthday so we don’t get a late start on the game nor have any confusion on how to play…

God is always drawing attention to subjects that I am certain that he is training us to be influential on at possibly a later date…

God has definitely called myself and Lisa to eventually be quite instrumental as a couple for other couples concerning their sexual tug of wars… so he of course lets us train via experiences both good and bad… good thing we both have the theme song from “the facts of life” crammed in our heads from growing up 80s LOL

I want to share a bit out of Mark Gungor’s introduction that he wrote in this wonderful book.

Marriage, at its most basic foundation, is a sexual contract. Think about it. When a couple stands at the altar and says, “I do,” what they are essentially saying is “I’LL DO you, you’ll DO me, and we won’t DO anybody else!” While marriage has many other wonderful, challenging and fascinating aspects, it is first and foremost a sexual agreement.

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” – Genesis 2:24

Oh I know, I know, there is more to marriage than just sex… just as a house is much more than its concrete foundation. Indeed, the house may have many beautiful rooms that contain countless valuable treasures of far more interest and allure than the foundation. But remove the foundation and that house will come crashing down – no matter how beautiful the rooms or valuable the contents inside.

Yes there is more to marriage than sex. There is love: but you don’t need a marriage license to love someone. There is commitment; but you don’t need a marriage license to be committed to someone. There are financial considerations; but you can totally support someone financially for the rest of their life without the need of a marriage license. There is also friendship: but you can be the best friend in the world to someone without marrying him or her. There are even spiritual considerations and perspectives like serving God together; but you don’t need a marriage license to do that either. Only when it comes to sex does God require the covenant of marriage.

Of course Mark continues but I don’t want to spoil it! You are going to really want this product:

My point and reason for quoting the portion I did was to get you to contemplate what I have been contemplating for days…

And that is that from God’s point of view… sex is pretty darn important. It’s crucial. No matter your limitations it’s imperative to strive to find a way to fulfill your spouse sexually. You may have debilitating circumstances, or circumstances that limit your participation… regardless it’s still biblical to seek to satisfy your spouse sexually. So don’t be a great Christian and fall short of something God is so clear about. Like it or not, your marriage is your first ministry. Discord in your marriage renders you severely diminished for God’s use. My wife and I have quite a variety of types of sex. I want very badly to satisfy my wife in all ways, especially sexually. God gives each and every spouse in the world a set of circumstances in this aspect of our marriages to overcome. When you accomplish that, there will be a new set… My wife is so worth overcoming that circumstance. And I know that I mean that much to her as well. As I read Marks words I ask myself what does this have to do with our marriage. Well, Lisa and I are quite committed to working towards a great mutually successful satisfying sex life. So I am mentally turning over stones and reverse engineering what Mark had to say… since Lisa and agree to an amazing foundation… you can’t live on a foundation alone… (There is no shelter) Now don’t get me wrong “I” am all about what Mark was saying… if I had my druthers we’d just build a house out of foundations… but then my wife would not be able to enjoy me as a spiritual covering which is a necessity for her to be lead to sexual satisfaction whether I like it or not.

I need to be certain to also focus on “beautiful rooms that contain countless valuable treasures” so that what can enjoy the wonderful home that is our marriage as suggested by Mark’s metaphor.

Remember this bible verse as read from the message bible and study its context and how it applies in our current Christian lives:

1 Corinthians 7:3-6

3 The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. 4 Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 5 Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting – but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. 6 I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence – only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.