From that really deep “unfiltered” place in Greg’s brain…
As a new marriage blogging couple we want to shed light on the fact that we are in NO way immune to martial struggles. Just because we feel called to share about marriage with others does not mean we are neither perfect for the gig nor well seasoned in every facet of where God is leading us. We are never stating that we are “authorities” or “experts” on marriage. We are simply sharing our thoughts and progress as we learn. So please walk this out with us as we learn diligently about marriage and Gods intentions within it and for it.
We had a really tough start to this month in our relationship. Probably our worst ever from my perspective. Monday morning began with me blubbering and begging Lisa during what I view as our most heated fight ever! Later that evening things had clamed a bit but nothing had resolved for certain… just our tempers had subsided. That night our family began to watch the Dog Whisperer on Netflix.
During the first episode I had ever seen, I kept thinking how profoundly familiar this stuff was resonating with the bible when it comes to: Ephesians 5:22-33
As mentioned, my wife and I have been going through some very difficult times as of late and I could not keep my mind from contemplating IF or how I could use something from this show to apply it to marriage. As we try to figure things out my wife keeps concluding that she is missing out on affection. I am so willing to give it to her but am very confused. And I kept noticing that Caesar often refers to affection with the dogs and WHEN it is appropriate.
NOW, mind you at this time I do not feel that this lines up with how to treat a woman, especially my wife, but if I look in the bible… DOES IT???
I made a joke about it to a friend the next day to only find out that he had similar thoughts (he even knew the dog whisperer’s name!). We had a few laughs about the show and how it applied to marriage. That next evening my wife and I were watching it again and she says… imagine if this could be applied to marriage counseling! I still didn’t say anything because I had felt very rude about my thoughts and jokes… and even for having such a perspective…BUT I was floored that she too was making the same observations! The third morning while letting my wife catch up on some much needed sleep…
It finally happened… I went to Google… and typed in “the WIFE whisperer”!
BEFORE BEFORE BEFORE you read the above article that I found… I want you to know a few things:
#1 I was SHOCKED in a good way after reading it for the third time to find that the author is a wife, not a husband! Also I want to preface reading her article with one poignant thing she says in her article:
“If you are offended by my woman/dog analogies, please don’t start barking at me. It only proves my point.”
#2 MY thoughts before reading this article. As a child my parents raised and sold wolf puppies for some accidental extra income… so I was quite interested in the wolves’ behaviors and understanding their instincts. When I went to our elementary school library with my class I often checked out books on grafting (which now blows my mind for marriage and step family concepts) and wolf behavior books, dog behavior books, and books about understanding the social behaviors of pack animals. I’m not a dog person per say, I was just very interested to know that you could understand a wolf better by knowing simply how it held its tale for instance. NOW if another species wrote a book on human behavior, the basics would not necessarily include our words nor emotions, nor chivalry, and all our customs. It would simply inform the reader at first about our instincts, and behaviors.
When it comes to our basic animal instincts: As a “chivalrous man”, I like to hold the door for my lady! Now think about this potential… instinctively without words she enters the doorway with no idea what is on the other side… which puts her instincts in the position of a protector checking for danger and making sure the coast is clear for the “gentleman” who just held the door and motioned her through it…Hmmm
From the “worlds” perspective: “OH, how sweet of you!” LOL Now, if we were in primitive times, would you also let her have the first taste of every wacky plant you came across so that if anyone were to get sick or die from it, it would not be you? I honestly considered that women might (without realizing it) feel they need to take the position of alpha since you are sending her into the position anyway as she enters that door way to be sure you are safe. You chivalrous um… …coward! LOL (just playing guys)
After reading the article http://fullofgraceseasonedwithsalt.blogspot.com/2010/06/wife-whisperer-is-back.htmlI told my wife about this thought and let her know that as I stop opening the door for her to enter first… I plan to enter doorways first to see what it does to her sense of provision, protection, and my assumed role as “pack leader” as mentioned in the article from the link I gave you!
The point of this whole concept of pack leader is NOT to treat another person less and that is NOT what this fellow blogger is suggesting.
The point is to take biblical knowledge combined with understanding our animal instincts, social behavior and applying it to assist one another to function to our fullest benefit and potential! When a man does not live up to these biblical wisdoms, it is possible (right or wrong) for a woman to instinctively take the role from him due to instinctively feeling as though there is no one to submit to properly according to what the bible instructs her to do.
I also remember observing guys in high school dating girls and seeing how rude and ignorant and unaware of how to be polite to the girls they were… the girls ATE IT UP!!! They love these guys that ignorantly act insensitive… entering doors before the girl, taking the first bite of everything. I think that by mistake these types of guys “accidentally” make the girls feel protected and cared for through instincts and not through outward chivalry.
Gentleman… rise up and strive to be worthy of the submission!
I want to encourage you to learn what it means to authentically “lead your pack!”
PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME BY COMMENTING!
Without a way to explain myself YET; the following verses come to my attention as I personally meditate on this whole concept: