Greg and I are currently facilitating a small group study of the book His Needs Her Needs, a book that covers the concept of individual emotional needs, explains that men and women have very different needs in marriage, and that they perceive and receive love from their spouse through them. More information on this book can be found at www.marriagebuilders.com
When we marry, we promise to meet all the needs of our spouse and trust that our spouse will meet all of our needs.
Greg and I have been through this book numerous times and different things will strike us each time. This time I found myself pondering the frequency and intention of specific ways spouses try to meet each others needs. We all have very different needs and they are usually opposite from our spouse’s, making it difficult to try to meet them in a way our spouse will feel loved, we usually end up trying to show love to them the way “we” receive it.
I asked myself “Is it unloving to schedule love?”
Everyone goes through life on some kind of schedule, we will schedule dates and family fun nights, but I wondered if it is out of bounds to schedule filling your spouse’s emotional needs. I am a type A personality so this idea seemed perfectly normal to me as I run on a calendar most days to keep my tasks straight. We lead extremely busy lives and sometimes the day gets away from us leaving little time to fulfill needs for each other.
Has your husband ever asked you to schedule sex, mine has, so I thought “why is it any different to schedule fulfilling emotional needs for your spouse?”
Some people would think that scheduling meeting your spouse’s needs may make it impersonal and like they were crossing a task off of a list. I know I personally would appreciate a constant meeting of my needs, I wouldn’t mind if my husband needed the assistance of a calendar reminder. I think scheduling these things would eventually form habits and I think the calendar would become unnecessary, but at any rate I would feel my spouse was putting me first to take the time to make sure I was a priority on his schedule for the day.
Let us know what you think about scheduling love!