Greg and I are leading a group study of the book Love After Marriage and this last week we covered the chapter on reconciliation, it was an eye opener for us. We discovered that there are many times in our marriage where we get over something and move on, but it hasn’t really been reconciled between us.
Is there a pile under your rug?
During our time to share with our spouse at group I brought up a moment from an argument Greg and I had earlier that week that I needed to apologize for and reconcile for him. He let me know he was thankful because that had been a moment for him that had been hanging on and he was not over it until we talked at group. We started discovering that we have moments that are over but they can hang around creating resentment if left under a rug and not fully uncovered and apologized for.
Are there things under the rug that you don’t even know about?
I was quite surprised to find out that my husband wanted to apologize for something that I didn’t know he did. He had gotten angry at me during the fight I mentioned earlier and had thought and said some things out loud to himself that he felt he needed to get rid of. He didn’t want to leave me uncovered with his behavior, and needed to get the “self talk” taken care of to set his heart right with me.
It is important to sweep out from under the rug.
Through this exercise at our group we realized the importance of checking our need for reconciliation about things. Reconciliation is about making sure your spouse is feeling secure and healed about a wrong they felt was done to them, not taking the steps to do this can leave a lot of unresolved hurt feelings and resentment festering. Taking the time to have these conversations is an investment in the happiness of your marriage, you can treat your spouse better when you feel good about them.