I often find myself thinking harsh thoughts about the way I look, I am my own worst critic and I could point out every flaw I think I have if you’d ask me. Now my husband, on the other hand, tells me frequently how great he thinks I look and that he loves me just the way I am. These conflicting thoughts in our “one-flesh” marriage have led to some struggles in the intimacy portion of our relationship.
It seems like in life, no matter what people say to me, what I think about myself is what really defines how I end up feeling about me.
I love it when my husband compliments me! Words of affirmation is my number one Love Language. Unfortunately, I have discovered that for me, Greg’s compliments about my appearance only have about a 30% bearing on how I really feel about myself physically. My contemplation of this prompted the question “Is your wonderland a place you’d like to go?”
I know the question contains a John Mayer cliche’, but I found my question extremely pertinent to how I was feeling that day.
If I want to have a better time intimately with my husband, I need to feel good about myself during that time. Now this doesn’t mean I think I need to lose 30 pounds immediately, even though eventually I would like to, it means that I want to present myself to my husband when I feel great and can try to leave my body issues out of our intimacy.
Through this question I have discovered that a mental comfort about my body during intimacy is not as hard to come by as I once thought it was.
The things that contribute to me feeling mentally good about myself physically during an intimate encounter aren’t usually about what size I am. Being able to present myself to my husband feeling clean and pretty surpasses my need to feel good about my size. Personal hygiene (everyone feels more comfortable if they know they have fresh breath) and feeling like I look good allow more freedom in my response to my husband.
I use to be a smoker and now I would not feel comfortable approaching my husband intimately smelling and tasting like smoke.
In conversation with my husband I found out that this thought process was very familiar to him, he let me know that he very much pays attention to his cleanliness and comfort level so that if the occasion arises to be intimate he always “feels” like he is ready and “appealing” to me.
To sum it up, when I feel good about me because I feel clean and that I look pretty, I can be more free and open to love my husband the way I should.