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Is Unforgiveness Eating Away at Your Marriage?

Is your marriage suffering from unforgiveness? It can be an underlying cause of many issues in our marriage and sometimes we don’t realize we are walking around in unforgiveness towards our spouse.

We all go around in life bumping into each other, doing things that hurt other people, and we don’t necessarily take the time to go around cleaning up those messes. Where does that leave the person we bumped into? A lot of times it leaves them wounded and harboring hurt over whatever we had done, we also get bumped into and then have our own hurt to tend to.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ~ 1 Peter 5:8

Unforgiveness gets even more tricky when you factor in the devil coming to play around with our hearts. He wants to present lies to us about the people we love and care about and try to make us believe the worst about them and that they hurt us on purpose. Most of the time we fall into that and hang out there for a while. If we think about it rationally we wouldn’t put something dangerous in a backpack we carried around with us and pull it out and examine it from time to time, risking our health and happiness, but that is exactly what we tend to do with the infractions of others we haven’t forgiven. Don’t give the devil any power in your marriage or any room to whisper lies to you about your spouse or your marriage.

And, you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. ~ John 8:32

Another place unforgiveness can creep in is when we are unable to forgive ourselves for something we have done, forgiving ourselves is sometimes harder than forgiving someone else. Unforgiveness with ourselves still holds the same consequences as not forgiving someone else, it can make us sick and separate us from free-flowing fellowship with God.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:32

Unforgiveness is my life has tainted how I have seen and treated people.  It has caused a lot of hurt and confusion while I was struggling with it.  I realized this morning that I was in unforgiveness about something that hadn’t been done rather than something that had.  God helped me to see that I was under the misconception that I would be ok and not be in unforgiveness when it was done and that is just not the case.  My unforgiveness isn’t hinging on someone else’s actions, it is my heart that needs to forgive no matter what my husband does.  I am going to continue working on unforgiveness, my marriage deserves it!

Unforgiveness is poisonous, it’s tagalongs are bitterness and resentment. When we don’t forgive our spouse for something they have done it can lead us to resent them and be bitter towards them. This can cause us to act out in ways that hurt our spouse and making room for unforgiveness towards us. Can you see how this can become an ugly vicious cycle? Walking around with unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment can affect your mental and physical wellbeing, it can make you sick.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:31-32

Choosing not to harbor unforgiveness can be challenging, there is no written set of directions on how to forgive. The main thing to consider is that when we are in unforgiveness, it is hurting us, we are in a prison of our own making. It can also hurt the person we won’t forgive because of how we choose to treat them, but the actual act of unforgiveness is hurting us.

I do not have all of the answers and I know we all have to work these things out for ourselves with God’s help. I understand each situation consists of its own circumstances, but if it is a choice to forgive someone, doesn’t it seem it would hold true that it is also a choice to not forgive someone. Could it really be that simple?

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