This morning I decided to pick up the book Love and Respect, it has been a while since I have read it, and I thought it would be a good book to revisit as I have been questioning my efforts at respect in my marriage lately and want to do my best to make my husband feel loved.
What I ended up questioning was “Do I respect my husband the way HE needs to be respected?”
I think I do a good job at respect, but how would I really know; I try to be respectful to my husband when I speak to him, I try to go to him with family, monetary and parenting issues for his wisdom and support and I try to make him feel great about supporting our family. My tone and demeanor are not always ideal, I try to make sure to apologize when they get disrespectful, but there has to be something missing because it seems like I am not quite hitting the mark.
It struck me this morning that all of those things just are not enough if he’s not feel’in it.
My husband can try to show me one hundred ways that he loves me, but if only twenty register with me, he only gets love bank points for twenty because those are what made me feel loved. I know that respect has to work the same way, I can try one hundred ways to show him respect but if he isn’t picking them up as respect, he may not be feeling respected the way I really do feel respect towards him.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ~Ephesians5:33NIV
Ephesians 5:33 speaks of the love and respect command from God and what is interesting is that it says a wife “must” respect her husband, this makes it not optional if I want my husband to feel loved. Respect is a need of men and it was important enough for God to take time to address it in the bible so I feel like I should put the effort into finding out what makes my husband feel respected for the success of my marriage and for making my husband feel loved. Luckily I am in a good place with my husband that we can have open conversations about what makes him feel respected and I am going to go to God and ask for His insight into my husband’s heart.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. ~James1:5ESV