New Loveseat

Is My Husband Feeling Respected?

Lisa’s thoughts…

This morning I decided to pick up the book Love and Respect, it has been a while since I have read it, and I thought it would be a good book to revisit as I have been questioning my efforts at respect in my marriage lately and want to do my best to make my husband feel loved.

What I ended up questioning was “Do I respect my husband the way HE needs to be respected?”

I think I do a good job at respect, but how would I really know; I try to be respectful to my husband when I speak to him, I try to go to him with family, monetary and parenting issues for his wisdom and support and I try to make him feel great about supporting our family.  My tone and demeanor are not always ideal, I try to make sure to apologize when they get disrespectful, but there has to be something missing because it seems like I am not quite hitting the mark.

It struck me this morning that all of those things just are not enough if he’s not feel’in it.

My husband can try to show me one hundred ways that he loves me, but if only twenty register with me, he only gets love bank points for twenty because those are what made me feel loved.  I know that respect has to work the same way, I can try one hundred ways to show him respect but if he isn’t picking them up as respect, he may not be feeling respected the way I really do feel respect towards him.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ~Ephesians5:33NIV

Ephesians 5:33 speaks of the love and respect command from God and what is interesting is that it says a wife “must” respect her husband, this makes it not optional if I want my husband to feel loved.  Respect is a need of men and it was important enough for God to take time to address it in the bible so I feel like I should put the effort into finding out what makes my husband feel respected for the success of my marriage and for making my husband feel loved.  Luckily I am in a good place with my husband that we can have open conversations about what makes him feel respected and I am going to go to God and ask for His insight into my husband’s heart.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. ~James1:5ESV


  • Jerry Stumpf

    Good post! Respect is soooooo important to a man’s hert. We want to be seen as the “hero” or at least someone who is regarded as significant by those that matter to us.

    Perhaps ask your husband this brief question; “Greg, what are 3 ways this week, I can show you I respect you as my husband?” Then do them!

    Another great passage is found in I Peter 3:1 – 6. Here is an encouragement to wives whose husbands seems to not be a believer. Peter shares with these ladies how to show their husband ultimate respect. So what if a beliving wife were to emulate this behavior as well? Would he not feel valued?

    Another quick method to show your respect is to tell one person a day, one positive charastic you admire in your husband. Some of these people you speak to might be total strangers, yet the comment has a two fold effect.
    First, it secures in their mind that honest, heartfelt compliments toward a spouse are wholesome. Secondly, you have triggered a deeper feeling of love for your husband.
    Besides those reasons, it feels good to do something excellent for your life-partner.

    You two have a great ministry going! I’ll bet Greg feels honored by your conduct and words often! You do feel loved by him, right?

    • Greg & Lisa

      Thank you for all the great examples and suggestions Jerry, I am sure Greg and I and our readers can gain from them 🙂 Thanks for all of the encouragement, as you know we can use all of it we can get! I do feel very loved by Greg 🙂 I want to try to be the best wife I can be and to me that means trying to understand him and follow God’s plan because He shared it with us for a reason and I want to seek understanding about it.

      • Jerry Stumpf

        Perhaps if Greg’s answers to the question about what he felt were 3 ways to show him respect, oyu might share them them with your audience? Not saying you have to, but it might help your audience?

        I do appreciate your posts!

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