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Do We Make Love To Our Husbands On Purpose?

It seems as though I am bombarded these days with articles about better sex, the 5 keys to perfect sex, the 7 tricks to make him yours, etc.  These titles have got me posing the question: Do we make love to our husbands on purpose?

The first part of this question that hit me was the “make love” part.

As a busy business woman with four children, I don’t always feel I have the time to “make love” to my husband as much as he would like me to.  Sexual fulfillment is my husbands #1 emotional need when he takes the Emotional Needs Questionnaire from the book His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley and physical touch is his #1 love language when he takes the 5 Love Languages Quiz at

 There is no doubt in my mind that the need for intimacy through love making and touch is how to convey love to my husband, but why is it so hard sometimes to meet this need for him?

I want my husband to put my needs first, and to meet them joyfully, in fact, I even expect it.  Doesn’t the bible say he is suppose to love me like Christ loved the church?  I want my husband to love me the way I need to be loved, which for me is through words of affirmation, admiration and intimate conversation.  He is suppose to dote on me, tell me how wonderful I am and spend lots of time listening to me talk and I want him to do it even if his needs aren’t being met.

I will find myself stuck in the attitude of – someone has to go first and it isn’t always going to be me!  Here comes the “on purpose” part of my question.

I don’t want to be this person, and I do put a lot of effort into meeting my husbands physical needs, but I try to meet them my way, not his.  I put the effort into having sex most days, but if I am honest with myself I mostly meet his need on my terms and on my clock, it can become a check mark on my list.  Would I want to just be a check mark on my husband’s list?  Absolutely not!  I also know that if I was truly making love to my husband he would be more likely to meet my needs the way I want him to.

Someone has to go first and I have found that my husband is far more immediately adjusted towards oneness and intimacy in our relationship through lovemaking than I am through words.

I am not sure how to accomplish meeting his needs successfully every time, but I know there are steps I can take to prepare and encourage myself to love him the best that I can.  In looking into this topic, here are some suggestions I have found:

1. Plenty of rest, exercise and eating right so I feel good

2. Taking care of personal hygiene and weight (because it contributes to self esteem)

3. Mentally preparing by thinking about making love to him throughout the day

4. Listening to him when he tells you the things he likes during physical intimacy

5. Letting him know the things you like during physical intimacy so he can make it a great experience for you.

I know there are many other great ideas out there for learning how to love our spouses the best we can, please comment share your suggestions!

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