For what I am about to share, I want you to know that it is not about applying this concept to everything in your relationship, it is about viewing and considering all aspects of your relationship through the looking glass of this concept.
I remember us reading about a great concept concerning fulfilling “needs”. The author used sex in a relationship to express this concept, suggested that if one spouse requires a more frequent need to make love than the other spouse, it might serve them both to honor the frequency, but to allow the lower drive spouse to make significant choices concerning the “how to” make love.
The other day Lisa and I woke up and I approached her first thing in the morning to “make love” and she told me she was not in the mood, I always take that really hard.
I’m not just a pig looking for release; I crave the emotional and spiritual benefits of that kind of closeness with her a great deal! No matter how hard I tried preventing it, I began to “pout” inside and tried very hard to keep my pouting to myself. I have learned the hard way that pouting has never once gotten me the quality of physical intimacy I desire with her. I knew she wanted to walk and exercise that morning, God has called to us to health up and slim down as a big part of our ministry.
Though I agree, I view exercise the way many ladies view sex with their husbands.
Man, it is so humbling to be this honest! I don’t like revealing all these rude shortcomings, but they are coming out! At first I just wanted to make her feel how I was feeling and turn her down in return so that she might empathize with me, Glad I got over that quickly! I hate when I act and or think that way 🙁
Unfortunately she pretty much does not “need” me for anything. The way I “need” her if I am to honor God’s plan for our sexuality.
As I begrudgingly grabbed my “workout” clothes Holy Spirit began to minister to me. Holy Spirit always appeals to my selfishness first to get my attention and then enlightens me in spite of my stubborn selfish thought processes. Lisa and I often walk at the local park conjoined with our local YMCA. Its really nice! I’m ok with one lap, and my wife likes to maximize our time and effort and take two laps (insert sarcastic innuendo smirk here).
Every time she has suggested it (in the past) I start making light hearted ultimatums in my head concerning our sex life depending on how rejected I feel at the time.
Before we ever left the house, Holy Spirit started pep talking me and taking me through a lesson about how I should just walk with Lisa while having a good attitude and participating in a way that makes her feel good. I was reminded of what Lisa and I call “maintenance sex” and how that doesn’t always meet the mark for me emotionally, so Holy Spirit asked me if I was taking a “maintenance lap” with my wife. I was then prompted by Holy Spirit to lead by example and take two laps as I would prefer she always have that attitude with me concerning love making.
So there you have it, Holy Spirit gave me permission to apply the concept of “You do it as frequently as the spouse who wants to desires, but you do it the way the spouse who wants it least would enjoy it most as a concession” to all aspects of our marriage.
And then Holy Spirit strongly recommended instead that I lead by example and always apply the enthusiasm to meeting Lisa’s needs during Lisa’s activities the way I would desire her to respond and act during what is so valuable and important to me.
How does this resonate in YOUR marriage?
Can you give me any examples or activities of where this might make a great impact on your marital life?