Communication breakdown is a big stumbling block in our marriage, I think it creates more conflict for us than any other issue I can think of. I am a type A personality, which means I like order and I am task oriented so I like to get to the point quickly so I can move on to the next thing on my task list. Greg is a musician, he is really laid back and not on a time frame, he likes to process his ideas out loud and take the time with me to come to find his conclusion together.
As you can imagine, these differences cause some conflict for us, sometimes we even end up in conflict about how we are communicating, not even what we are communicating about!
Sound familiar? We know that communication is an issue for many couples and we are no different. We are very different people and we process things differently. For a long time I would ask Greg to try to gather his thoughts ahead of time so we could have conversations in what I thought was a timely manner. I would also get frustrated at the processing out loud because he would answer me one way and change his mind by the end of the conversation. I will admit, there were times when I would ask myself, “what is wrong with him?”
I know nothing is wrong with my husband, I needed to look at what I was doing wrong and I needed to look at what I was contributing to the communication breakdown.
Greg and I spend a lot of time reading books about marriage trying to gather useful tools and information for ourselves and those that share in the marriage enrichment opportunities through Loveseat marriage. After all these years of learning our love languages, how to fight fair, and other useful marriage skills, we still hadn’t been able to master great communication skills that didn’t end in conflict.
Greg and I are in communication about how we communicate a lot and until recently I felt like we were moving forward, but at a snails pace.
Then we finally read a book on communication that has changed my mind about the way we communicate. Our pastor’s wife loaned me a book over a year ago and I put it in the pile with all of the books on our list, last month we started reading it and it has helped me to finally make sense of our differences. H. Norman Wright’s book Communication: Key To Your Marriage has opened my eyes to some very important points that I hadn’t thought about previously and has altered the way I communicate with my husband.
I have finally learned to embrace our communication differences and now I am trying to making them work together rather than getting angry that my husband doesn’t communicate like me.
Through this book we discovered that there are in fact other people who communicate like each of us and there isn’t anything wrong with him (making fun of myself) or me. Greg and I have had many wonderful conversations about communication while reading this book together and in taking the time to find out what he needs through conversation, I am able to give it to him and still lean towards the type of communication I prefer as well. I have discovered that in our conversations I had been my own worst enemy. Now that my eyes have been opened to my part in our communication breakdown, I am looking forward to seeing what happens in our marriage!
Share some communications pointers you may have below.