Something keeps striking me as we meet with more and more couples and they share their lives with us. Men are not always sure what leading in their household should look like and women are not always sure what leading in their household should look like either.
We have heard stories from many different age groups, but the younger couples strike me with the concept of the lack of family leadership models. The consistency I am noticing among the younger couples is that the men aren’t always leading their families by the biblical example because they don’t know what it is suppose to look like and the women aren’t always sure what that looks like either. I am not being judgmental by any means, just noticing an area they are searching and looking for guidance in.
Through our discussions I have heard concerns like:
I didn’t have an example of how to lead a family
I am not sure what that leadership is suppose to look like
I am not letting “him” lead; I am an “independent woman”
I don’t feel I have a place to go to learn from an adult about it
I am not sure I want the responsibility
My wife has taken over leading and I am not sure how to move back in
We don’t know how to submit to each other
These comments and questions have really had me thinking over the last two months. Where is the skill of family leadership supposed to be learned? I know the bible sets forth some pretty clear guidelines and God is our ultimate teacher, but I kept wondering if there was something more. My mom is a great mom! But as a young lady, I didn’t have a deliberate Christian mentor for how to be a wife and a mother; I had God to prepare me to be Greg’s wife after I had been divorced and failed at marriage.
It would have been so beneficial to have a deliberate adult I could have trusted for Godly advice and guidance.
I feel for these young men and as they look for guidance in leading their families and in turn the young ladies who could benefit from the guidance of an elder female to grant grace through leadership in the marriage process. No one has all the answers, but Titus 2 gives some direction for us in guiding those younger than ourselves.
1 But you should talk in a way that is consistent with sound teaching. 2 Tell the older men to be sober, dignified, sensible, and healthy in respect to their faith, love, and patience. 3 Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in their behavior, teaching what is good, rather than being gossips or addicted to heavy drinking. 4 That way they can mentor young women to love their husbands and children, 5 and to be sensible, morally pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, so that God’s word won’t be ridiculed. 6 Likewise, encourage the younger men to be sensible 7 in every way. Offer yourself as a role model of good actions. Show integrity, seriousness, 8 and a sound message that is above criticism when you teach, so that any opponent will be ashamed because they won’t find anything bad to say about us.
It is so vitally important for young couples to have mentors and leaders that they can go to in times of need for guidance. It is also important for them to see adults behaving in ways worth following. I wish churches had a standard of matching young couples with a mentor couple so that they could benefit from the knowledge of those before them. God wants us to comfort each other and to be available to provide guidance to each other.
3 May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort. 4 He’s the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God.