I recently learned of a secret I had been keeping in my marriage that I wasn’t aware of.
When Greg and I started a relationship we were not new to relationships and we both had a past, mine was far more extensive than my husbands. We talked about it from time to time and he would ask questions that usually ended up in frustration for both of us. I would tell him I would answer any questions he wanted to ask, but that he should be careful what he asked because the answers always seemed to hurt us both.
And in reality, I didn’t want to re-live my past sin every time my husband asked me about it.
Time elapsed in our relationship and Greg asked questions less frequently, leading me to believe that he had his questions answered and that he was at peace with the situation. Then we started reading a book that uncovered what seemed to be hiding, the “whole” truth. Greg and I started reading a book called Love Busters and one of the love busters is dishonesty.
I am not a dishonest person, but I learned through reading this book that I was being dishonest in a way I didn’t realize and it was hurting my husband.
God began prompting me to go to Greg with the “whole” truth about my past and at the time I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. Then last Saturday night we met with our group that is studying a book called Love After Marriage, and low and behold the chapter we read was on honesty. I felt that it was time to see what God had in this for us and He comforted me the whole way because I was nervous of my husband’s response to my past.
I had never withheld any information from my husband about my past, but I had never been forthcoming with all of it either.
I prepared myself for the conversation and approached my husband with the “whole” truth about my past, presenting things he hadn’t asked about or thought to. In that moment I could see how this had been stifling to our intimacy, and I mean all forms of intimacy, not just sexual intimacy. It turns out that my husband had felt like I had secrets because he only knew about the things he thought to ask about and was very relieved to have everything out on the table.
I had spent most of our marriage causing pain and the feeling of distrust in my husband and I could see now that the “whole” truth really was healing to our marriage.
Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. ~ John 8:32 NIV