This week we are wrapping up “Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage” in our small group and we are discussing how men and women score each other and themselves quite differently. I noticed an example of this working in our marriage very quickly this week.
One of the first things my wife said to me this morning was “I had to wake you, so you don’t score a point” as she giggled, but it was so discouraged!
It was very difficult to shift my mood to be working towards good things with her. I also had the thought “I’m the only one who has touched me in the last two days, so you’re not getting a point either!” Of course, I never said that out loud.
I felt like “well, I guess I blew it right out of the gate, what’s the use?” I think Joyce Meyer calls that stinkin’ thinkin’.
My reason for sharing this is that I discovered what I absorb through my 5 senses directly affected my living up to God’s standards. I began to realize how satan was having some fun with me while I desperately tried to un-withdraw from my wife. If she sees me frustrated or withdrawn today, there is no chance for my needs to be met based on my attitudes and actions unless she deliberately decides to do so. It seemed like the more I tried to move towards God’s will for me, the more my movements began to pull me into satan’s quick sand.
So, I began to try to keep still to prevent further sinking, even more importantly, to be able to commune with God about my frustration, and so this blog began.
I have been reflecting over the last few weeks and there have been several times I had tried wrestling with a concept on how I believe my 5 senses affect my obedience of the 10 commandments and how what I touch, see, taste, smell, and hear affect my ability to uphold what God commands of me in me life.
For an example that is very real for most men, I will begin to paint the picture via the 7th commandment
The seventh commandment “you shall not commit adultery” (ex 20:14).
In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus says: “You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt.
Ok, seeing, touching and tasting are the obvious vehicles for sin here, but what if I apply that to hearing a woman, whom is not my bride, making elicit sounds. In the event that I focus my ears, absorb what I hear, and take mental note of it, am I not committing the very offense warned against in Exodus 20:14? Or what about applying it to smelling a woman, whom is not my bride, as she passes by and breathing deeply to relish her scent, focusing my sense of smell and taking mental note of it, am I not committing the very offense warned against in Exodus 20:14? For men and women alike, if you apply all 5 senses to all 10 commandments and consider what the bible says in Exodus 20, what do you come up with?
Several years ago, before we were married, I had to make a confession to Lisa that I had a stumble with pornography and she let me know that she considered that cheating.
Based on the information so far, I believe that if I watch an action movie with lots of death, or implied death, then it’s fair to assume that it might be like committing murder.
Of course, in a heavy discussion about this my wife made some good points, She said that watching an action movie does not make us all want to go kill people. But, then she suggested that if I were to be aroused by a movie it could make me want to sleep with the girl in the movie. I know for me this is not true.
She made some good points, some I didn’t agree with, but of course I think she is brilliant so I thought about it some more. I thought about the way movies make me feel, video games, music, photos, etc. They all have a place in the rolodex in my head. When a movie arouses me, I want to make love to my wife.
I do think she is brilliant, but I felt like if the tables were turned and I were defending pornography as entertainment from the same vantage point she was taking, there would have been a war!
When I see someone eat pizza in the movie, I want to order some pizza, not eat the pizza in the movie. I want my own! If my wife and I get the opportunity to stay in a hotel and I can hear the couple above us having sex, I want to have sex with my wife. In movies, if I see sex, I want to have sex with my wife. I lust for my wife, yet I watched another woman who triggered the arousal, sticky ground here eh?
Now if I see a movie and get unintentionally aroused does this affect my one flesh marriage?
After the heated and valuable discussion with my wife, we have made some serious efforts toward each other’s entertainment viewing and each of us not maintaining double standards. We are trying to come up with some guidelines in our household that adjust entertainment viewing and put us in enthusiastic agreement about how entertainment affects our one flesh marriage.
Please participate and tell us if and how you believe it affects your one flesh marriage when you conceptually apply your 5 senses to the 10 commandments!