This summer we are revisiting our top 10 posts, #4 Putting the S In Sex
was originally posted November 9, 2013
Ok, so I am going out on a bit of a limb here…
I feel that women need to play more of a role in the sexual relationship in their marriage. A lot of women feel a lack of satisfaction with the sexual relationship they have with their spouse but they never speak up about it. I have been frustrated by the sexual differences between me and my husband. The frequency of our sexual needs don’t line up and we can’t seem to find enough time to have quality sex some days, raising four children and running our own business keeps us very busy!
The key to figuring this out is to figure out your spouse, not what some book says in general about sex in marriage.
My husband’s #1 need is sexual fulfillment and on my list, you guessed it, it is #10 right at the bottom. Through many conversations with Greg I have gained an understanding of this need for my husband and why it is important to him. The answer I come up with in the end is that it is mostly about me, not just all about him. Sex is his way of bonding to me, it is his way of getting to take in all of the things he finds beautiful about me. It is not a selfish act to make his body feel good, it is the way he shows me affection and how much he cares for me. Taking the time to learn about my spouses view on sex changed how I view our sexual relationship.
Looking at something from another perspective can change how you respond to it.
I now look at sex in marriage very differently than I did 5 years ago and this led us to be very proactive about our sexual relationship. I am very invested in meeting this need for my husband and he is more than willing to love me the way I need to be loved when we are intimate. This didn’t happen overnight, years of talking openly about both of our needs have helped us get to a place where we are feeling united about our sexual relationship. It isn’t always perfect, but we both feel good about it and that is important.
If I left our sexual relationship totally up to my husband I would be left frustrated and find myself not wanting to have sex with him.
I found myself needing to voice my desires, opinions and needs to my husband in a loving way so that we could both get the best out of sex in our marriage. I found myself coaching my husband through some things that I liked, this enhanced the sexual experience we had and opened the doors for other conversations. The point being, I had to open my mouth and share what I wanted and needed for my husband to be able to give it to me.
Tell your husband how to best love you, you can’t expect him to guess and get it right every time and then be mad about it.
Talking openly about this topic with your spouse can sometimes be uncomfortable and a little embarrassing, but hey, if you can have sex, you should be able to talk about it together. Ladies, step up and let your man know you love him and let him know how you like him to love you. You can only bring increased “satisfaction” to your sexual relationship and put the “S” in sex between you!